Fear Getting the Best of Me

When I go to my local rock gym, I'm awed (...and... slightly jealous) of the youth team, fearlessly scrambling up the walls. They climb up and down, like it's no big deal. I want to climb like they do.

I have to breathe deeply for a few seconds before climbing a route that's a 5.7+ or higher. Right before a climb, I fight against my fear of heights, which, to be honest, is minuscule in comparison to my fear of failing. My belay partner/fiance tries to snap me out of my thoughts by saying I will most likely fail a route that's more difficult for me; so I should expect to fall, whether I go for the next hold and potentially not make it, or give up (which happens a lot). His words always seem to push my thoughts aside and I am able to finally start a route. Luckily for me, he keeps encouraging me along the way, keeping my devilish thoughts out of my mind.

After I get out of work, and if my fiance isn't studying for a quiz or exam, we'll hop on a bus to go to our rock gym. On the ride there, I feel like I'll conquer that 5.8 overhang I've been working on for a month... however, when I face the wall, I feel OTHERWISE. Maybe I become fearful because I feel unprepared (I only started rock climbing about 2-3 months ago... and my 'technique' is... let's say beginner-level); maybe I feel fearful because I'm still attempting to trust my climbing shoes. Maybe, I'm just a fearful person in general! I don't know, but I mostly don't like to dwell on thinking about it.

While on the subject of trusting my climbing shoes (which, in the last couple months, I've worn three different pairs), I rely more on my hands to keep me on the wall. My hands thank me every day, when I wake up and they're stiff, They slightly hurt to clench. When I talked to my mom about it, she said that since my 9-5 job requires me to type and use my hands all day, my fingers are becoming inflamed and swollen from overuse (and rock climbing). She suggested Omega-3s from chia seeds and gelatin (to replenish the collagen). I'll try that out soon.

My hands are also so rough and calloused from holding onto holds so tightly. I know I've got to relinquish my death grip on jugs... Yesterday, one of my callouses ripped off. I didn't have any tape (fortunately, my gym gave me some). I kept climbing as usual, but the area was tender and pinchy. My fiance had pulled his arm a little before my callous ripped off; so, fortunately, we called it an early night and left the gym.

I would like to keep posting in this blog about my progress as a 27 year old, short, beginner woman climber: all the ups, the downs, my learnings, shortcomings, fears, gear, etc. Please feel free to post a reply, or comment. Maybe when it's not midnight (and my fiance is sleeping), I'll post some pictures of my hands and gear and... stuff? We shall see.

Much love,

Michelle